My Name is Rick and I Have High Blood Pressure

We are getting closer to that time of year that I look forward to the most, going back to school. Trying to keep my two teenage daughters happy this summer has been like trying to bring peace to the Middle East. I had brown hair when the summer started and now it is almost all white. My wife calls it "silver" as though that is going to make me seem more distinguished. Either way, I know it's not normal. My doctor says I have high blood pressure now. He asked me if I have experienced any stress or discomfort at home. I started laughing like a hyena until the laughter became a quiet mumbling and then finished with tears and a hug. It was a hug that I innitiated but a hug none the less. Stress? Discomfort? I eat stress and discomfort for breakfast mister smarty pants doctor guy. I actually eat a bowl of stress and wash it down with a big glass of discomfort (grape flavored haha) I'm more stressed than a dog shittin' razor blades buddy. I love doctor's appointments, grocery shopping and checking the mail simply because I get a small intermission between MMA cage fights in my home.

It's not all bad. There are these moments of clarity when the girls get along. A snap shot in time that if missed, may never return.

Kind of like the moon. I get messages once in a while on facebook telling me to "go look at the moon, tonight it's going to be extra moony!" I never look at the moon, I always miss it. Pretty much the same thing with the girls. I always miss it. But my wife has taken pictures of them being "nice" to each other, so we have proof.

The only, and I mean only, bad thing about the kids finally going back to school is the fun I have trying to wake them up in the morning. I've been spit at, cursed at and one time I had a clock thrown at me. Do you know how hard it is to spank someone's ass in complete darkness? It's hard. To this day, I'm still not even sure I actually swatted my daughters butt. It may have been her memory foam pillow. I need to come up with a better way of waking them up this year. Maybe I'll use money.

 September is near, Football season starts, kids return to school, and my blood pressure will go back down. The stars will align and everything will be ok, right?